


You Make Me Suicidal

by Amber96Anime



Series: Love Will Find A Way [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Aftermath of Torture, Ask Google because Author can't explain, Author Is Religious, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Thinks That She Is Funny But She Is Not - Hah, Author is DOOMED, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bullying, Canonical Character Death, Child Neglect, Control Issues, Daddy Issues, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Fluff | Smut | Humor, Foreign Language, Gen, Half-Siblings, He deserves to die | Why won't he? | If I could kill him I would, Her father is a bastard, I Don't Even Know, I Know That I've Got Issues But You're Pretty Messed Up Too, I can take it - I can't take it, I can't live with you yet I can't live without you either, I know nothing about the Maori Language or anything related, I want to die | I want you to save me, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Independently Co-Dependent (If that makes any kind of sense at all), It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Knock me down and I'll kick you in the f-ing balls, Language, Language Barrier, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Maori, Maori Language, Mental Health Issues, Mildly Dubious Consent, Name-Calling, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Original Character Death(s), Paranoid Original Character, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Siblings, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Redemption, Relationship Issues, Sadism | Masochism | Sadomasochism, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, She is a sadist but she can also be a masochist and the same thing goes for him, She won't say she's in love, Suicide Attempt, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Platonic Love, Team as Family, The Author Regrets Everything, The story has begun and it's too late to stop writing it, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Torture, Trust Issues, Verbal Abuse, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2019-08-17 07:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16511711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber96Anime/pseuds/Amber96Anime
Summary: Life sucks and people are cruel. Reika knew that. Naruto knew that too.Together, they pushed through and survived with that mindset.Until Reika got pushed over the edge, on the day they graduated from the Academy.Kiba witnessed Reika's darkness first hand and proclaimed his concealed affections.Apparently..... people can surprise you. Sometimes.The only question now is, will Reika come to trust and love the man she once fervently hated?





	1. Defaced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!!! Do NOT read this story if: 
> 
> [1] You Are Suicidal, Yourself.  
> [2] You Are Easily Triggered.  
> [3] You Have A Personal History Of Abuse/Neglect/Etc.  
> [4] You intend to use this story or stories like this as an excuse to do something stupid. 
> 
> If For Some Reason, You Relate Personally To One Of The 4 I've Mentioned Above, And STILL Intend To Read This (Therefore Ignoring All My Warnings) Then It Is At Your OWN DISCRETION And I Can Do Nothing More. 
> 
> Please know that this story is NOT intended to promote suicide!! suicide is NOT the answer!! Get Help, Talk To Someone... Anyone. Here: [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255] This is all I can offer you.  
> +++  
> And Please Don't Use The Word "Fuck" In The Comment Section!!!! I use it for writing purposes and effect but I do not enjoy seeing it, reading it or hearing it. Okay? Okay!! (^-^) Good Talk.

 

**[Prologue]**

 

I remember my father's face every time he looked at me, with deep hatred and utter disgust. I don't know what I did to make him so mad, I was only four years old at the time. When I had built up the courage to ask, he said that it's because I was born then proceeded to slap me hard across the face, I hit the floor hard and as I sat back up I felt the blood dripping from my mouth. 

He reminds me about his contempt for me, with every agonizing moment spent with him, this went on for years. An entire three years of  **hell**. He never let me forget and in those rare moments of peace when I could genuinely laugh or smile - he'd hit me, grabbing my hair, pushing me against the wall,  _if I'm lucky_. When he's had a bad day it gets taken out on me, especially after a good number of sake bottles that pile up in the house. This house holds nothing but bad memories, the stench alone is enough to suffocate me, the place is a trash heap.  _Father_  says it's a paradise compared to his living trash,  _meaning me_.... whenever father refers to trash or something distasteful and disgusting I already know he means me. Half the time, that's what he'll refer to me as instead of my actual name, other days, I'm not even allowed to call him  _Father_  just " _Sir_ " or " _Mr. Cauleas_ ".... which is his last name.

I can't stand the thought of being related to a man like this, so in an attempt to seperate myself from him - in the only way I can - I use my mother's last name instead, which is the only thing keeping me sane for the moment.....  _I bet most normal four year old's wouldn't understand how horrible a father like him is...._ but living in this house, under his so-called-care, my mind had to advance more quickly than my body and I learned how to read the signs my  _Father's_  body gives right before he goes for a hit or smackdown. Thankfully, I've saved myself from multiple trips to the infirmary than what I would've needed had he of been successful. Of course, I end up making up some excuse or another to stay in the hospital overnight so I wouldn't be forced to return any time soon, I despise the hospital but.... it's as good of a sanctuary as anywhere. At least in there, _Father_ can't pull his usual crap. 

 _He calls me stupid but I'm a lot smarter than he gives me credit for_ ** _....._** which is the one of the only things I actually have confidence in. My brains. 

When I turned six years old, I'd already grown accustomed to his outbursts and mistreatment of me, in fact I now expected it to happen, unlike when I'd sit in my room praying to God that for one night he'd forget that I ever existed and leave me alone. My hopes always shattered when I'd hear the heavy footsteps and the door knob turning, the creak of it as it swings open wide, as he came over to my spot on my bed and began beating on me for no reason other than he was pissed the hell off by some whore. I'd choke back my tears and screams as he bloodies my smaller body. _Thankfully, I'm no longer so Naive. Nevertheless....._ _I hate my life. I hate him._

I remember the last time I saw him too, the final night that my father appeared before my eyes. He came to my room that night, like he'd done so many times before, only, it was different this time..... he pinned me down, pulled out a pocket knife and rasped darkly at me, " _ **If you scream I'll make it so much worse**_ " He carved out a jagged line from the side of my left eye, down across my cheek, stopping at my chin, where I now bear a scar.... so that I'd never forget how he hated me and how I'd never be loved.

That night he vanished from my sight and never returned. I don't know where he went and I honestly don't care. He was gone, that was all that mattered. I was free. With this nasty scar as his final goodbye to me, for the first time in my life, I cried tears of joy. 

 

**+++**

Flashforward eight years. I currently live alone in an apartment building, the threat of my father returning one day still weighing heavily on my mind. I know that just because he hasn't made an appearance yet, doesn't mean he can't or that he won't, I've always had the feeling that he'll pop up again someday when I least expect it and infest everything he touches just like an f-ing cockroach. _No matter how much you wish death upon em' they just. won't. die!!!!_  

Thankfully, I know that this time, I have the power to fight back. And also, that I won't have to face him alone. 

I have a brother now. His name is Naruto. 

 


	2. Abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!!! Do NOT read this story if: 
> 
> [1] You Are Suicidal, Yourself.   
> [2] You Are Easily Triggered.   
> [3] You Have A Personal History Of Abuse/Neglect/Etc.   
> [4] You intend to use this story or stories like this as an excuse to do something stupid. 
> 
> If For Some Reason, You Relate Personally To One Of The 4 I've Mentioned Above, And STILL Intend To Read This (Therefore Ignoring All My Warnings) Then It Is At Your OWN DISCRETION And I Can Do Nothing More. 
> 
> Please know that this story is NOT intended to promote suicide!! suicide is NOT the answer!! Get Help, Talk To Someone... Anyone. Here: [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255] This is all I can offer you.
> 
> +++++
> 
> And Please Don't Use The Word "Fuck" In The Comment Section!!!! I use it for writing purposes and effect but I do not enjoy seeing it, reading it or hearing it. Okay? Okay!! (^-^) Good Talk.

**[Reika's POV]**  

 

I awoke in my bed, heart racing and forehead sweating.... it takes me a moment to process.... then I remember. _It was just another nightmare_. I have to repeat that to myself over and over until I believe it, until my nerves calm, until I can rationalize that it's been eight years since then and that I don't have to be as 'on guard' as I used to be. It's okay to relax - within the borders of my own home that is - _Tch_. "I need a f*cking shower" 

 

**+++**

_After he left, I tried to convince the Hokage to let me move into my own apartment, under the pretense of being responsible for myself now and not needing so much space, he'd simply snickered to himself and looked upon me with those same gentle yet knowing eyes, "Are you now?" he'd asked, amused. I pouted at him, as much as I could with half my face now covered in a mask; It was a strange feeling, having the fabric constantly there, it made it difficult to eat and drink for a long while too. Thankfully I'd gotten used to it after a while. In response, I'd puffed up my little chest and looked him in the eye, "Yes I am!! I'm a strong and independent woman, who doesn't need to rely on nobody!!" _granted, I was only six at the time _._

_At that, his amusement diminished, something sad seeping into those dark brown eyes. Dulled, muted, resigned. He knew the real truth, of course he knew.... he was the f-ing Hokage of Konohagakure, the man knew nearly every damn thing that happened in the village.... almost. Images of father dragging an endless string of whores into the house flashed across my mind and I repressed a shudder. "Yes. You are" he conceded and I ducked my head as he pet my hair, "Though I wish you didn't have to be, just yet" I didn't give a verbal response, just simply nodded to show I agreed. He sighed heavily, "Well then. Let's go see if we can't find you a new home" and with that, he took me to all the buildings that were renting rooms and let me choose the one I liked the best._

_It was the second best day of my young life._

 

**+++**

To help me escape the old memories that haunt me from within those walls, Hiruzen granted my request on the conditions that I see a therapist (at least) once a week and get a physical checkup (at least) once a month. With my head tilted back and my eyes closed, I simply enjoyed the feeling of the hot water pelting against my face then cascading down my body.  _I'm not a kid anymore. Not mentally at least, but physically, I'm that of a fourteen year old girl_. Heh, not that age seems to matter, **** _it's never saved me from anything before._  Stepping out of the shower, toweling off, then taking a side glance at myself through the bathroom mirror and instantly regretting it.

This is why I wear the damn mask!!! Not even I can stand to look at myself, let alone let another person see me like this!!! UGH!! _Damn it father!!!_ With narrowed eyes, I look over my scarred cheek, running my finger from the top to the bottom of the jagged mark, almost as if, if I touched it enough times it would vanish with the movements. Sighing aloud, _It's almost time to get to the Academy..._. where I spend most of my time there being teased by boys. Mostly by a group of specific boys, the bastard blue haired boy, the damn black haired boy, the cowardly pink haired boy --- I can never be bothered to remember their names and yet, the one name that always sticks out the most to me from their group is that f-ing eyesore named  _Kiba Inuzuka and his freaking mut Akamaru._  

I hate him. I truly, honest to God hate him. All of them. 

The blue haired punk may be their little ring leader, the damn instigator to all the crap that they do, but Kiba's the one whose always pulling pranks on me and it's only ever rarely that he'll actually physically touch me while performing these blasted pranks. In those rare moments that he dares to lay a hand on me, I scream as loud as my lungs can manage and kick him in the f-ing balls. In fact, ever since I joined the academy at ten years old, Kiba's been one of my many bullies and Naruto's been my only life support. 

Shuddering at the thought. Every Time someone touches me or grabs me unexpectedly, I automatically go into _"battle mode"_ as I remember my father's grip on my body. Remember as he'd hit me or drag me off into another room just so he could hit me some more. Locked me in a closet, tied me to the bedpost, shoving me into the trashcan and not letting me out for extended periods of time, not letting me eat when hungry or drink when thirsty, just screaming - always screaming and being just a major prick in general. The physical and verbal abuse from him alone was enough to make me  **hate my life**.... but I'll never take that kind of crap from anyone ever again! _They don't get to treat me like that! They don't get to act like **HIM!!**_  

In my anger, I punched the mirror, not registering the pain in my knuckles nor the blood dripping down both my skin and the now fractured glass. _Why do they only pick on me?_ I internally seethed. _Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_ "Damn It!!!!!" I screamed, not caring if a neighbor happened to of heard me. _It would be the first time a neighbor took an interest in what was happening in the Embryn Household_. The old one, or the new.

Letting out a long slow breath as I finally allow for the pain to set in, it's a sharp burning ache and I relish it. As twisted as it may sound, in small bursts, the pain actually helps sometimes. I slowly removed my hand from the glass and began to wash off the blood in the sink, my thoughts focusing back on the things I should probably not be at the moment.... like how Kiba and his buddies are one of my very many excuses I use to convince myself life's not worth living and Naruto's one of the very few excuses I use to keep myself from committing suicide.  _As sad as that probably seems._ Bandaging my hand, then moving to get dressed, I put on my usual Black hooded vest, black t-shirt, black cargo pants, gray face mask that covered the entire lower half of my face (from my chin to the bridge of my nose), black shoes, ninja gear on my right leg, black fingerless gloves that hide the majority of the bandages I just finished wrapping, part of my hair covering my left side which also helps to hide the scarring. Basically meaning, that all anyone ever saw of me was my right eye and partially some of my left. _In fact, if I was wearing sunglasses and people hadn't known any better, they'd say I was Shino's sister;_ A kid from my class whose clothing is similar to mine and face also concealed in sunglasses. His Clan uses Bugs as weapons, which also live inside their bodies, feeding them their own chakra in return for their aid. - Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate bugs, nor am I like all those other girls who scream at the sight of them. But not even I would allow those little critters inside my body. As long as they keep their distance from me, I couldn't care less about them. - Leaving my apartment, locking it, I started my walk to the Academy.

About halfway there, I hear my name being called out. _There's only one person who does that_. "Hey, Rei!!!"

I smirked, "Hi Naruto" 

He came up next to me with his usual attire of an orange jumpsuit and goggles, "So got any plans today?" 

I hummed in thought for a moment, "Not particularly.... why?"

He smiled, "Oh no reason, you wanna get some lunch with me later?"  _He probably wants ramen and he'll sucker me into paying for him_.  **Typical.** However, this is Naruto.... meaning, even if I don't agree, he'll assault me with that damn puppy dog look. Hah, how ironic is that? 

"Fine. Sure, whatever you want, Naru"

He smiled, and I mentally sighed. A moment of silence passed between us before he spoke again, "Rei?" 

"Yeah?" Glancing at him from the corner of my eye to see him avoiding eye contact.

"I know it's a touchy subject but why won't you let me see your face?"  

Mentally sighing again with a roll of my eyes, "I told you already, didn't I?" 

He frowned slightly, now looking at me. "Not really, it was more like a vague way of saying,  _I'm never gonna show it no matter what_ " I smirked,  _Guy's pretty sharp when he puts his mind to it. Who knew?_ Hah. I did. "Ya'know... some people are saying your related to that guy, Shino"

"Oh?" Of course, I was already aware and really not caring. It was probably one of the lesser things I was concerned about when it came to what the others all liked to say. 

"Yeah... its weird, I try telling em' you're not but nobody listens"  He pouted, pissed.

I laughed, "Yeah well you know it's not true right?" Glancing over to him once again.

"Yeah" He raised a brow in an 'Of Course' manor.

Smiling at him, "So then that's all that matters" He smiled back.

We made it to the classroom before the bell rang, I sat in the farthest back next to the window like I usually do, it helps to avoid unwanted attention.... usually.... until  **HE**  showed up. The only person who makes everything that comes out of his mouth, oh-so freaking annoying. Kiba Inuzuka. The goon squad directly on his heels. 

"Hey Reika.... what are you doing today?"

Unlike Naruto, he didn't actually care, he just wanted to annoy me. And it was working; Damn it. I kept quiet, eyes focused on the wind blowing through the trees and I could already hear the whispers of the class muttering their gossip.  _Tch, bunch of idiots, all of them, excluding Naruto of course_. He came closer, now standing directly next to me, and leaning closer by the second. It unnerved me immensely.

"Ya'know. I heard a rumor you were Shino's sister.... any relation?"

Course, he already knew I wasn't - They all did. Makes me wonder how Shino was taking all this. After all, he's been drawn into the situation as well. Poor guy. Still, I remained silent.  _As hard as it was_. He pulled back, seeing as how he wasn't getting a reaction and began leaning on the edge of my desk. "You dress kinda weird.... if Naruto hadn't said you were a girl I'd of mistaken you for a boy..." Now that... that was just pathetic, it's almost like he isn't even trying right now. Why would saying that bother me? The moron. However, I know how to annoy him back - I kept silent and didn't acknowledge his presence. I learned this a long time ago, that the best way to piss Kiba off, was to ignore him completely. There were more whispers of the class.  _Morons who can't think for themselves_. A vein appeared on his face and I held back a chuckle, the boy was an ' _Attention Whore_ ' who acted starved for it. 

Eyes narrowed, he frowned. "Hey Rei~ ..... Reika..... are you even listening to me?" I could tell that he was getting pissed by the second. More whispers from the class.....  _Can't they mind their own damn business?_ He growled like the dog he is, "Hey! I'm Talking to you" He grabbed me by the collar and lifted me off my seat.

My eyes narrowed and I went into _attack mode_ , " **Get the Hell off Me** " my voice low, heated and dark with venom as I kicked him hard in his manhood.

"AHHHHHH~!!! Ouch! Ahhhhhh~!!!" He cried as he toppled over and hit the floor, while I simply just stood over his fallen body, heart pounding, nerves on edge, I could feel my fingers trembling. _Looks like today is one of those rare ones that he actually touches me. Tch_. Breathing deeply to calm myself, so not to alert the rest of the room that he actually affected me in such a big way, I smirked down at his fallen form, revelling in the fact that it was because of me that he was writing on the floor. 

The class gasped and some went over to see if he was alright while giving me death glares..... mostly from the other males. Like the three amigos who are literally always with him. I scoffed unemotional, " **Never Touch Me Again** " I hissed with the same level of venom and an aura of darkness that dared any of them to even try and touch me again. The students stepped back in fear and once again, I heard whispers that consisted of " _Freak, Emo girl, Monster, Loser and Don't want her around._ " Turning away from them all, I stormed out of the classroom as Iruka came into the room. 

_And where in the freaking hell was he? Isn't he supposed to be the Teacher around here? The Adult? Why isn't he ever in the room when this kind of crap happens?_ _**DAMN IT!!!** _

"Reika? where are you going young lady? Class is about to start"

Eyes narrowed, faking a pout and holding my stomach "I don't feel good" 

His eyes widened in surprise. "Again? That's the 20th time this week, you should really take better care of yourself. Make sure you go to the hospital if it gets worse alright?" The honest care in his eyes and concern in his voice struck me but I shook it off.  _Nobody but Naruto, my Therapist, the Doctor's and the Old Man actually know the truth._ Nodding, if only to ease his mind and avoid further questioning, I left - which was basically ditching class for the day. 

_None of my teachers know the truth about my situation.... but when I was a kid, Old Man Kage assured me that if I was feeling suicidal or triggered during school, I could always go up to the teacher, say I was sick or not feeling well and they would automatically let me out of class for the rest of the day without questioning me. I've been using that phrase to get out of bad situations in class ever since. The Hokage did this for me, knowing I didn't want anyone else to know, but not wanting to risk me offing myself. I suppose, not all the adults around here are as terrible as I like to think, still_..... sighing aloud, "I hate my life" 

Going back home, pulling off my hood, pushing my hair away from my face as I made my way to my room. I felt an ache in my chest, an emptiness that'll never be filled as I clutch the clothes that cover my heart and crawl into my bed to cry my eyes out.  _No one sees me cry, I don't let them._  Only two people in my life have ever seen me cry: Old Man Hokage and Naruto. As they're the only ones I'd allow to see me in such a vulnerable state -  _I don't need anyone else to know how freaking weak I am. -_ Also the only ones who know about my abusive past and father. I cried and cried myself to sleep, where the darkness is my only escape from the cruel reality that is my worthless life.

 

**+++**  

Not exactly sure how long I was asleep for but when I woke back up again, I heard a familiar knock on the door. _Knock Knock ~ Knock Knock Knock ~ Knock Knock_. Two, three and then two again. _Naruto's here, which means that class is over for the day_. Not many people know where I live, let alone knock on my door, but for those rare occasions, Naruto and I developed a special knock so that we can always tell if it's someone else. "Come in Naruto" I yelled, messing with my hair so it covered my eye again as I heard the door open. Naruto of course had an extra key to my apartment, because ever since he found out I'm suicidal he made it his mission in life,  _besides becoming Hokage_ , to check on me every ten seconds or so (unless he was really busy) to make sure I didn't kill myself when he wasn't looking. 

I'm kind of grateful for that, he makes me feel like I'm wanted alive more than dead and not so alone as I usually am.  _Who wouldn't feel lonely when living alone? I'm surprised he hasn't snapped himself already, since he also lives alone._ Hearing footsteps coming into my room, "Rei.... you're still alive right?" He asked in a seriously joking manor.

I scoffed, "Yeah, I'm alive.... don't worry. I didn't try to kill myself...... today...... yet"

He sighed aloud, "Not funny, Rei" He warned as he sat next to me on the bed and put his hand on my back, seeing as I was now on my stomach.

Peeking up at him from under my hair, "Sorry" 

He smiled, "No worries, I'm not mad..... unless you actually do kill yourself then I'll be mad"

I turned on my side to get a better look at him, "Seriously?"

He smiled again, he does that a lot. "Yeah, you're basically the only friend I have and the only one who's willing to talk to me for longer than five seconds without calling me names or hitting me for no apparent reason"

I smiled back, his smile was contagious and put my head back into the pillow.

"Reika, when Kiba grabbed you before.... did it remind you of your father?" Nodding lightly, I heard him sigh, "I'm sorry" He sat me up and pulled me into a tight hug.

I silently cried as my grip on him also tightened. "Naruto......  _I hate my life_ "

Feeling when he took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling heavily with me pushed up against him, "I know.... Its alright" He hushed as he stroked my hair.

_If I had any siblings of my own. I would hope they'd of been like him. Naruto's the closest thing I've got to a brother. For as long as possible, I'd like for him to always stay by my side. Being a light in this dark and forsaken world._ "Can you stay with me tonight?" 

"Of course" I moved over, watching as he settled down next to me and then pushing myself up against him when he raised his arm in a silent offer. I cried against him until I fell back asleep. 

 


End file.
